


Letting it all out

by CastielMorningstar



Series: Leaky Lucifer [3]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Confessions, Embarrassment, F/M, Insecure Lucifer, Omorashi, Reassuring Linda, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:35:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24202180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CastielMorningstar/pseuds/CastielMorningstar
Summary: After the incident during the stakeout, Lucifer secludes himself from anyone, embarrassed by what happened. But when called for his weekly therapy sessions with Dr Linda, will he open up about what happened?
Relationships: Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar, Linda Martin & Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV)
Series: Leaky Lucifer [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1644274
Comments: 4
Kudos: 40





	Letting it all out

It had been a week since Lucifer’s little accident while on that stakeout with Chloe, and he was taking it quite hard.

Firstly, he was just shaken up by the fact that he was able to urinate now. He was the devil, not a human, so how was it possible? Was he becoming even more vulnerable than he originally thought? Was it Chloe who was causing that effect on him, like how she caused his vulnerability to injury? Or was it something else entirely? A punishment from his father perhaps. It would make sense.

Then there was the fact that he’d done that in front of Chloe of all people. The woman he loved so deeply unlike anyone else in his life had seen him soak his pants like a child. It was beyond humiliating.

After it happened, Chloe had been wonderful and non-judgmental, probably in part due to the fact that she herself had done something similar a little while before that in that closet. She drove back to the precinct where she dropped off the criminal, then took Lucifer straight back to Lux where he got himself clean and dry again.

She had been very tactful and kind about it. But Lucifer still resented the fact that it had happened. He hadn’t gone to work since, afraid of it happening again, and also just too embarrassed to show his face after that. He needed time to emotionally recover from it. Nothing had happened in that week regarding his bladder, so he was sure that it was activated by her presence like his physical vulnerability was. Which was slightly better than it being a permanent thing that effected him all the time, but if there was one person he wouldn’t want to deal with that in front of, it was Chloe. So really it wasn’t that much better.

Lucifer had secluded himself from everyone, feigning illness to get off work even if Chloe knew that he wasn’t really sick, and flaking out on anything related to Lux. He wasn’t in the mood to drink and have sex right now, especially not the drinking just in case it somehow activated the need again. He was afraid of it in a way, afraid of the way that it made him so awfully human, the way it took control away from him. It was dreadful.

But that morning he’d gotten a text from Linda, reminding him of his appointment with her later that day. He sighed heavily and pulled himself out of bed. He didn’t want to go. He didn’t want to see anyone, even if Linda didn’t know what had happened, because he was afraid that she’d somehow pull it out of him, or what if Chloe had told him? What if she’d told the whole precinct that her partner was incontinent? Lucifer didn’t feel like that was something Chloe would do, but he still feared it regardless. However, if he didn’t go to his therapy session then Linda would bug him even more when he finally went, because she’d know he was avoiding her; there was no hiding.

So, he got himself ready, and when the time came, he finally left his penthouse for the first time in a week and headed for the LUX garage; not after first attempting to urinate just in case because he did not want to be caught short again. But nothing came out, so he felt comforted in that aspect that it was very unlikely that he’d suffer through that embarrassing situation again today. He got into his corvette, started it up and headed for Linda’s office, the drive making him feel a little bit better, but his stomach was still tight with nerves and lingering embarrassment.

It didn’t take long for him to arrive, but Lucifer took his time parking because he was just prolonging the amount of time before he was going to be examined by Linda, and probably forced to talk about what was probably the most embarrassing moment of his existence. He trudged inside, his hands deep in his pockets as he made his way to the front desk. Normally the devil would give a charming smile and flirt a little with the secretary, but today he barely made eye contact as he murmured, “Appointment for Lucifer Morningstar, with Linda Martin at 1 o’clock.”

The secretary gave a sympathetic smile and Lucifer ducked his head a bit. He hated acting like this, so unconfident, so unlike himself. But right now, it felt like he had ‘I wet my pants last week’ written on his forehead for everyone to see, and if he looked at anyone for too long then they’d know what happened. “Let me just make sure she’s ready for you Mr. Morningstar.” She pressed a button then picked up her phone and after a few exchanged words she put it down again, “She’s ready for you. You can just go on through.”

Lucifer muttered a thank you, relieved that he didn’t have to wait in the small waiting room and avoid conversation with anyone else in there. He strode quickly down the long hallway, just to get away from the secretary who definitely knew something was up with him, but then he slowed his steps as he approached the door. “Bloody hell, pull yourself together.” He scolded himself as he lingered outside the door for a moment before he finally got up the courage to open the door and step inside.

Almost immediately he was greeted by a kind-faced Linda, “Lucifer, so nice to see you again. I will admit I was worried you weren’t coming.” Lucifer glanced at the clock and realized he was five minutes late.

“Sorry, the traffic was awful.” That wasn’t a lie, he just didn’t mention how he always sped around traffic and avoided it, so therefore the traffic wasn’t the real reason for his tardiness. He didn’t even realize he was still standing antsily by the door until Linda gestured to the usual couch.

“Take a seat, Lucifer.” And he did just that, his hands immediately clasping together in his lap in a nervous fashion, still having trouble with properly meeting Linda’s gaze.

Linda got comfortable opposite him and fumbled with her pen and notepad as Lucifer sat himself on the couch, and the devil glanced up and saw Linda looking at him in that ‘psychoanalytic’ way that she did. It always made him uncomfortable, but especially now. “Chloe tells me you haven’t been at work the past week, Lucifer. She called me because she was worried and wanted to know if you were okay.”

That was a pleasant surprise. Chloe hadn’t texted him very much, and he assumed the worst. That she was embarrassed by him and didn’t want to be his partner anymore. Those were the irrational thoughts going through his head. So why had she messaged Linda about her concern and not him? Did she still feel awkward about things? He wouldn’t blame her if she did.

“Oh…well I was sick.” He feigned a cough, “But she hasn’t gotten in contact with me personally, so I thought I’d scared her off after- “he stopped dead, his cheeks flushing slightly as he realized he’d nearly confessed off the bat about what he’d done.

Of course, Linda didn’t miss a beat, “Chloe told me that she didn’t want to bother you if you were sick. Although you seem fine to me.” Lucifer felt like Chloe was lying, but he tried not to overthink it and make himself feel worse, “What happened between you two, Lucifer? I could sense something was off the second you walked in here. You don’t seem like your usual self. You seem very closed-off and quiet. It’s unlike you.”

Lucifer shouldn’t have come. Perhaps even if he made her suspicious by avoiding his session, he would’ve had more time to come to terms with what happened and as a result he would’ve found it easier to bluff around what happened and be less obvious that something was wrong. He swallowed and tapped his foot, trying to come up with something to say. But he didn’t want to lie so he just went for something generic, “Something did happen…last week. But…I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Right.” Linda scribbled on her notepad, watching him through her glasses, “However, the fact that you were willing to tell me that something was wrong, indicates that some part of you wants to get this off your chest.”

Damn. She wasn’t wrong. As much as Lucifer was deeply humiliated by what had happened, it had been weighing on him so much that a part of him did want to talk about it, as awfully embarrassing as it was. He gave a non-committal shrug.

“I know it’s hard to talk about things that are difficult. Especially those of the embarrassing nature- “

Lucifer glanced up, eyebrows furrowed, “How did-“

Linda matched his gaze, “I’m a therapist Lucifer. I can read people easily. And you’ve barely looked at me since you came in, plus your face is abnormally pink. It’s not hard to tell that this issue must be of a personal matter. Something you may deem embarrassing.”

She was right, again, and Lucifer let his gaze drop again, “I guess.”

“While I will never force you to talk about something, I want to assure you that this is a safe place. Nothing you tell me will ever leave this room, nor will I judge you it. I promise you, whatever you have to tell me I probably have seen it before-“ she hesitated, “Well I supposed with you that statement is likely not entirely true, since you are the devil and all…but you understand what I mean. I’m not here to judge you Lucifer. You can tell me anything.”

Lucifer couldn’t deny that Linda had a way with words that made him want to open up. It was something he’d initially been frustrated with, because he wanted to keep everything bottled up inside. But lately it had been more helpful than irritating, because the devil was finding comfort in talking to someone about his worries instead of keeping them all inside. He was becoming more open, not just with Linda but with Chloe too, and it was scary but also relieving in a way to not have to hide his emotions and problems so much.

So, as a result, after a few minutes of silent contemplation, Lucifer spoke up with a sigh. “The detective and I were on a stakeout for a case last week- “he started, stalling a little by then giving details about the case that perhaps weren’t necessary, but Linda didn’t interrupt him, she just nodded and listened. And when he’d run out of unimportant things to say, he finally had to give in and talk about the elephant in the room. “Well during this stakeout I began to experience some discomfort…in my lower abdomen. As the devil I have never dealt with anything like that before. I figured it was nothing and tried to ignore it…but it didn’t go away, it only got stronger. Finally, Chloe gave a suggestions as to what she thought the matter was…I didn’t believe her at first because I didn’t think such a thing was possible for me, since I’ve never had to…do it before but it seemed she was right- “

Lucifer glanced up slightly and saw Linda making a few notes. It made his stomach knot tighter, worried that the notes could fall into the wrong hands and somehow half of LA would find out about his accident. Linda seemed to notice his concerned glance and assured, “These notes are just for my personal reference. I promise they will go into your file and then into that locked filing cabinet. No-one else will see them.” She gestured to the corner of the room and Lucifer followed her gaze and nodded a bit, taking a deep breath and continuing hesitantly.

“It seemed the issue was…that I…um…” he fiddled with his ring, his face heating up and legs shifting uncomfortably, his gaze firmly set on his shoes, “I needed to urinate-“ he finally got out, pausing and nibbling on his lip in an anxious manner, sure his cheeks were painted a bright pink by now. “I’ve never needed to do that in my whole existence so…needless to say I am not familiar with the function nor the etiquette surrounding it. I suggested to the detective that I leave the car and go handle the problem, but she said I couldn’t leave the car during a stakeout- “he realized he was getting close to the worst part and paused, breathing and summoning the courage to continue.

Linda gave him a reassuring smile, even if he couldn’t see it, “You’re doing very well so far, Lucifer.” She encouraged, “I’m sure you’ll feel a lot better once you let it all out of your system.”

Lucifer felt his face flush harder at her wording, because he was about to tell her that ‘letting it all out of his system’ was exactly what he did on this stakeout. He took a heavy breath and found the strength to continue, “Well the stakeout went on for longer than we thought, and the…urge only got worse…it was horribly urgent by the time the suspect showed up. He pulled a gun on the detective but I managed to sneak up behind him and tackle him so she could get him in cuffs but-“ he swallowed hard, rubbing his forehead, “But…when I grabbed him, he fought back and he kicked me…right in the abdomen and I-“ this was it, this was where he lost all reputation with Linda forever, “I lost control of my bladder-“

It was so silent once he let out those damning words, that you could have heard a pin drop. Lucifer’s face felt like it was burning, and he wondered briefly if he somehow accidentally activated his devil face, but more likely was the fact that he’d just revealed perhaps one of his biggest secrets, to his therapist. He definitely regretted it and had no idea why he thought this would make him feel better. He just sat there, eyes fixed on the ground, waiting for Linda to say something. To laugh at him. But she said nothing, and finally he glanced up at her to find her just looking at him.

His gaze faltered, “Why…why aren’t you saying anything? Shouldn’t you be mocking me by now?”

Linda shook her head, “Why would I do that, Lucifer?”

Lucifer was confused, “Because I pissed myself like a wretched child…why wouldn’t you laugh at me?”

“Because it really isn’t that big of a deal. I know it may feel that way, but things like that happen to adults, even if it isn’t as common as with children. However, you said this is your first time experiencing this need, correct?”

Lucifer nodded.

“In which case, your bladder is likely at the developmental stage of a child’s since it has never been used before.” She explained in a voice that made Lucifer start to relax his tense muscles a bit and he let himself finally look at her, “So it’s not your fault, since your bladder is physically smaller than the average adults, and you’re not familiar with those sensations and your own ability to hold your urine. It’s something you will learn, and while learning mistakes happen. I know you didn’t want this to happen, it’s not fun I know. But it’s just a mistake.”

Talking about this and being talked to about it made Lucifer’s face remain red, however he did oddly feel a bit better after Linda’s response. He supposed she was right. He’d been beating himself up for what happened, without thinking about how inexperienced he was with such a thing, and while he hated being compared to a child in any sense, his bladder being more like that of a child’s in terms of holding capacity did make sense. “I suppose you’re right.”

Linda smiled, “I’m glad you see what I mean. This isn’t something to beat yourself up over, Lucifer. You just need to be open to learning and figuring out how this new function works. It will take time, but I’m sure you will master it with time. For now, all I can suggest is to not wait too long if you’re in a situation where you can go, however if it’s safe to I suggest trying to hold for a bit to strengthen your bladder. But never for too long, or you risk getting an infection.”

It was a lot of information to take in, but Lucifer paid close attention, because he definitely did not want to have a repeat of last time, nor end up with an infection. He nodded a bit to show he was listening, “I understand.”

“Excellent. Now, this happened around Chloe, right? How did she respond? I assume now that this was the reason you have not been in contact with her.”

“It is…and she was there. I tried to hide it but it’s not exactly easy to do. She found out and she was…oddly reassuring about it, very non-judgemental and after she dropped the suspect off at the precinct, she took me home to get changed.”

After thinking on that again, Lucifer wondered why he thought that Chloe would be disgusted by him, or anything of that sort. He’d been worrying about it all week, avoiding her for fear of judgement but she’d made it clear that day that she didn’t have a problem with what had happened. So why had he thought that? “I suppose I now realize that avoiding Chloe was pointless…because she already assured me that she didn’t hate me for it like I feared- “

Linda smiled, “I’m glad you’ve come to that realization, Lucifer. And I hope that you’ll feel okay enough to talk to her again soon, because she misses you. That much was clear from her voice when she called me.”

Lucifer was actually feeling quite a bit better now. Obviously, he still wished it hadn’t happened, but talking about it had actually helped, “Thank you Linda…I appreciate your help and tact.”

“It’s no problem, Lucifer. I’m always here to help you.”


End file.
